It’s not a wedding, it’s not a funeral, but it is the entire family together for the first time since a wedding or a funeral. Minus Heidi, who bought a camera without a timer function.
Take a look at the random reprobates below then I’ll get on with the introductions.
From the left, kitted out in his usual orange fur coat is Charlie Chow. Next up, in matching mono-chrome lumberjack shirts, is Uncle Terry (top) and cousin Dave (kneeling), weekend crime-fighting duo and lifelong Wolves fans. At the back, all in blue, is my brother Phil, philosopher, philanthropist, former cult leader and world record holder for BMX wheelie-ing. And now, green jumper, legs a-kimbo, supremely handsome, is ME! Athlete, astronaught, best selling author and inventor of gravity. Then there’s cousin Bobbi, a criminal mastermind wanted in several countries – does a lot of work for charity. Next up, sitting beside your humble fabulous, is Mandy, David’s better half. Mandy is a computer genius, a former hacker who now writes government security programs with backdoor loopholes for aspiring hackers. Then there’s my Mum. Aww, love you Mum. Interesting fact about my Mum, by law she must wear shades at all times, because of her ability to shoot laser beams from her eyeballs. Up next is my sister-in-law Georgina, the current world memory champion and expert conker player. Georgina is the only person to have tightrope walked backwards over Niagra Falls. Then there’s my nephew Oscar, current formula one racing world champion and head of Alcoholics Anonymous. And finally, my Auntie Yvonne, who made a fortune on the slot machines, then lost it all on the roulette wheel. Recently Auntie Yvonne lead a revolution in Cuba that saw cigar prices fall considerably and allowed Cubans to wear shoes made with heels from other countries. Viva la familia!
It took Dave 3 minutes 46 seconds to down this entire mini-keg of untapped pale ale. Afterwards he danced about a bit singing a song about goblins, then fell over the fence and remarked on how sparkly the stars looked.
How little times change. Here we have my cousin and I playing a game of kick you up the arse and see if I can make you drop the cake. Just like old times!
This day was a birthday celebration for my Mum and Uncle Terry, who have birthdays one day apart. It was a complete surprise for my Mum, who had no idea everyone else was descending on our house for a barbeque. Another fantastic idea from Heidi. Thank you sweetheart. Everyone had a great time, and I hope we can all do it again (at someone else’s house!)